Hello Clare and Ezekiel, I have been with Jesus since birth. I mean Clare, I have never ever not known the presence of Jesus. My family are generations of men and women who love the Lord their God with all their heart, soul, and mind. When I was 10 I gave my heart to Him with my whole being and was baptized. But even at 10, there was never a memory of me not being able to speak to Jesus and know His love for me. Its just at 10 I understood sin, that it was my wrong doing that put Him on the cross. And I have walked with Him most of my life. Again, never a time where I felt like I could not speak to Him, deeply ask for forgiveness and know He would be there. So that is my background and yet I have never found a teaching like yours. Nor such a kindred spirit so to speak. Over the years I have had many experiences in prayer like the above. But I just thought it was normal for those who really were surrendered to Him. That if you really loved Yeshua our Messiah, you would love connecting with Him and meeting with Him in prayer like I do. But over the last 10 years I’ve learned not all connect with Him this way.
May He continue to fuel your ministry and provide. May He continue to reach others with His teaching through you and your husband. I deeply thank you for answering His call to this ministry and mission He has given you!!! Deep Shalom to you my brother and sister! Oh, yes, I am not looking for you to use this story. However, if Abba directs you to share this on your channel, that’s fine. I know He directed me to share with my fellow believers in my circle cause He impressed upon me this experience was not just for me. But whatever He directs you to do is always what must be done. Shalom I know Jesus as both Jesus and sometimes as Yeshua. But I’ve grown up knowing Him and loving Him and feeling His love/forgiveness and presence as Jesus.
I am struggling with the hard feelings another believer has about me. I am intimidated by the characteristic or manner of any person who is being forceful in voice when they are unhappy with something. So in prayer I was asking Jesus about this whole situation. I was upset and often when I’m really upset I tend to think and feel like a little child, a little girl and my conversation with Him tends to take on that sound. In the below conversation I did not see Jesus, I just felt Him and heard Him in my spirit. I was in tears and asked why I was afraid when people yell. He showed me that when I was yelled at with condemning words as a little girl of 3-5 years of age, I believed the words yelled at me about me. I would cover my head like a protection as though I was receiving physical blows to the head. I believed I was horrible and rotten to the core. I believed I was worthless and no good. The idea I was getting from Him was that I had received those condemning words yelled at me as true.
Jesus then asked me if I would say those kind of terrible condemning words to a child. I tearfully with conviction said, “No.” He asked, “Why?” I said, “Because it hurts them.” He asked again, why wouldn’t I say those things, He asked, “Are those words true, is a little child rotten to the core?” At this point I saw a beautiful baby so I said very whole heartedly, “NO.” “Why,” He asked. “Cause You made them,” I said. “What did I make them,” He asked. “You made who they are,” I answered. “Did I make them rotten.” Again I saw that beautiful, happy and incredibly healthy looking baby. “No,” I said. “So then did I make you rotten,” He asked. I said, “Well I don’t know, I am rotten cause I sinned and I needed the cross?” He said, “Okay, but when I made you and put you in your mother’s womb, I put your spirit in you. (I was seeing the baby) Did I make that spirit rotten?” “No,” I said, but I clarified, “But when I was growing up I did bad things and I didn’t want to really do them, but I did them anyway.” He asked, “Was it your spirit that wanted you to do those things or your flesh?” “My flesh I think,” I tentatively answered. Jesus asked, “You said you did stuff but you didn’t really want to do bad stuff, why do you think you didn’t really want to do bad stuff?” “I’m not sure,” I said unsure. He answered, “Because the spirit I put in you and the spirit I put in each child is a pure spirit from Me.” I said, “But we have the nature of Adam.” He said, “Yes, your flesh nature. But as I knit you in your mother’s womb the spirit I gave you wasn’t a fallen spirit, it wasn’t a sinful nature, it was from Me. I put this spirit in a body of flesh and yes you then have the fallen nature in your flesh, but that fallen nature is not inside your spirit because I do not create anything that isn’t pure.” “But what about when I sin Jesus? I am selfish and I have done many things that are not good, I’ve sinned a lot. And I HURT people,” I wailed with deep tears. He said, “I know, but the core of that spirit I gave you was still pure, I protected that.” I asked, “But then why do I need the cross?” He said, “When you do follow the flesh nature and sin, it does separate us, it’s like a covering.”
At this point I saw kind of thin layers of wispy darkness, shades of gray and yet in my minds eye I saw the bright shining purity of that baby’s core being. That is all I can describe it as. And I got the impression or thought, of protection and that the purity wasn’t extinguished. The thin shades of gray darkness was surrounding that beautiful purity inside the beautiful baby but that purity (the purity was seen in my mind as a warm bright light) was not totally over taken by the darkness. Then I got the thought that He put this purity of spirit in each of us in our mother’s womb. So I asked, “But Jesus what about those people who are so evil, like the people in the occult?” He VERY CLEARLY with emphasis said, “Only I KNOW when the darkness completely has extinguished the pure spirit. It is only for ME to know when the purity of that spirit has completely been overtaken by darkness never to return.” Then I got this thought “I wonder if that is the sin against the Holy Spirit.” I then thought, “Yes,” but I didn’t not get a CLEAR verbal answer like the rest of my conversation so I don’t know. I heard at that point His emphatic; “It is Only for ME to know.” Then he spoke to me more in images about my heart.
Several months ago He had me really study chapters 14 and 15 of John and sit with him to deliberate over it and ask Him to sew the truth of those scriptures into my soul, kinda like you steep tea, that kind of permeating image. The most significant scripture is John 14:20 – In that day you will know that I am in My Father, and you in Me, and I in you. At that time with that scripture He showed me a picture of two images. One image was that I was wrapped in His arms with a white cloth (like super soft warm fuzzy valure type terry cloth covering my whole body). And with me in His arms completely surrounding me in my cloth, He and I were sitting in Abba Father’s lab. This image helps me when I hear in my thoughts, that I have sinned and am separated from Him and I hear I have to crawl back to Him begging to be forgiven because I’m no good and rotten to the core. (I know I must ask for forgiveness and confess, but Clare you mentioned that He is there beside you even when you sin, longing for you to just confess. In my heart forever, I have so often sinned and then run from it and not wanted to sit in front of the cross and beat my chest in remorse. I more want to be that child in the arms of Jesus and Abba and say, I know I was wrong I’m sorry and move on. But I have never felt that was good enough, that it wasn’t true repentance unless I broke my heart open and spent hours in humility. I know there is a place and time for that, but I really like your instruction of how He longs for us to just speak to Him sweetly and purely and confess.
The following image helps me immensely with feeling free to just confess and still feel wrapped in His embrace and able to move on without a big production of being in such deep remorse it takes hours. Though again there is a time and place for that.) Then the other image was of two heart muscles being sewn together. It wasn’t a pretty picture but a bit bloody, not a lot but a bit. And that picture remains with me and has a feeling of permanence and yet a feeling of soreness. When I got this image it felt like there was utterly nothing that could sever what had been joined. And yet this soreness remained.
When I was talking with Him today, and thinking of the purity and seeing the baby I also saw two heart muscles. This time they were healthy flesh looking, they glistened a little. And it almost looked like the shape of a simple drawn heart like a little girl would draw. That was the shape, but the image was 3D flesh. And these two heart muscles are joined and beating in rythmn. The image felt wholesome and pure and healthy. It felt good that the soreness and the image of those two hearts sewn together, which was a bit bloody, had been replaced by this healthy beating heart two lobed heart.